Greeblemonkey

The Poisonous Friend

We've all had them. Those friends who are like a virus in our lives, the ones you just need to make a break with to get clarity on how they affect you?

What if that friend is really one of your very best friends? And their child IS your son's best friend? And you don't even realize how poisonous the relationship is until over a year later and you've gained a whole hella perspective?

It's hard that Declan still asks for his friend.

But what is harder, for me, is that in the midst of the friendship, I didn't see how often I was being manipulated, lied to, and lead around by a string. And in the end, how lucky I was that this friend happened to also be a Drama Queen (with a capital DQ). A drama queen that decided to blow up our friendship over something that was 99% her fault. Something that, in the heat of the moment, I took on my shoulders and bore even though I knew SHE should have said she was sorry. SHE should have reached out. SHE should have tried at least as hard as I did.

But she didn't.

SHE let our friendship wither and die. SHE did me the favor that I didn't have to stab a knife in our friendship. She pushed it off a cliff for me instead. And the truth is, I am better off for it.

But it still doesn't make it any easier when Declan asks for his friend.

I like to feel myself up.

My grandmother got breast cancer in her late 40s. After that, she had to live with a bra that had one fake boob in it until the cancer came back 20 years later. I miss my Oma in a lot of ways, but one legacy she left me was a definite breast cancer awareness.

So, when I was performing my normal monthly breast exam two months ago and found a lump, I paid attention. I didn't quite freak at first, because - to be honest - when you have knockers like mine (even post breast reduction), most days you could hide an atom bomb in there and have room to spare. Meaning, it could have been anything. So I just kept an eye out.

But, yup. Next month it was still there so I called my doctor. She felt what I was feeling too, but wasn't too concerned. Sent me off for an ultrasound and mammogram, you know, just in case.

I didn't realize how worried I was until the radiologist hoisted the "all clear" signal today. Reason for the lump? Probably a combination of the IUD hormones and the fact that I fell off the caffeine bandwagon lately. Simple as that.

But, really? Is it all that far fetched for me to get breast cancer 10 years before my grandmother when I got diabetes 30 years before everyone else in my family?

But, nope. I am good. Lucky.

And plan to keep feeling up those healthy boobs every chance I get.

American Idol - The Top 4

All I really have to say is:

GOODBYE JASON.

But, OK, I will add a few more comments, you know, since you are here and all.

DAVID COOK
I was wanting to love Hungry Like The Wolf because I adore Duran Duran (and by the way, Danielle and I are going to see them in ONE WEEK, squeee!!!) but I felt like overall Cook's Duranieness was a bit flat. However - his Whoness? FREAKING AWESOME!!!

SYESHA MERCADO
Proud Mary was totally a performance of Tina Turner. Totally. Albeit a good one, but it was just Syesha acting like Tina. And then she chose to sing Sam Cooke. WHO I LOVE LOVE LOVE. And then she chose to compare the civil rights struggle to her own personal struggle to stay in a cooshy hotel and be served gourmet food and sing on stage once a week. What the holy FUCK was THAT about? Yes, she sang the song really nicely, but ARGH!!! Why can't she keep her yap shut? And that hot mess at the end? She is one fine actress.

JASON CASTRO
Simon: "What were you thinking??" Jason: "I was thinking BOB MARLEY!" Oh my word, that one stoner moment on American Idol was probably my most favorite of all time. Thank you, Jason, for toking the weed and making me laugh. Have a nice flight home.

DAVID ARCHULETA
He's still singing 'em for the old folk, but DAMN the boy sings 'em AWESOME! I literally rolled my eyes when they announced Love Me Tender, but I *LOVED* IT. Wait, does that make me an old folk?

Clearly Jason is going home.

And you?

P.S. Thanks, as always, to Rickey for the screencaps.

The Bigger The Hair, The Closer To God.

Something Every Democrat Should Read Right Now.

Stefania Pomponi Butler wrote an amazing piece over at MOMocrats today. Please take a minute to read it.

On Presumptions, Associations, and Elitism

Greeblemixes going out next week!

I am taking a break from Filching Friday and my Top 100 List this week to get the May Greeblemix up. I will be burning the mixes early next week for this months winners: Missy Wiggins, Ms. Sassy Pants and Becky. If I don't have your snail mail addresses yet, please send them to me!

For the rest of you, this is what you are missing this month!

MAY 2008 GREEBLEMIX

Baby Together by Poi Dog Pondering
The Recluse by Cursive
New Song by Howard Jones
Oregon Girl by Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin
Polaroids by Shawn Colvin
The Step and the Walk by The Duke Spirit
Grey Cell Green by Ned's Atomic Dustbin
The Story by Brandi Carlile
Split Lips by Sons & Daughters
Turtle by Alana Davis
Ready For Love by India.Arie
Parade of Punk Rock T-Shirts by Maritime
LDN by Lily Allen
So Far We Are by The French Kicks
Chasing Pavements by Adele
Suffragette City by David Bowie
Lucretia My Reflection by Sisters of Mercy
Born Of Frustration by James
Goodbye Mr. A by The Hoosiers
Get Off This by Cracker

May Greeblemix Contest

It's May Day! And Bryan is getting a colonoscopy today too! Well, he is actually getting a scope down both ends, but I honestly can't remember what the one down his mouth is called and COLONOSCOPY is so much more fun to type anyway, seeing as WHO KNEW he's be getting such a thing at age 38!?!?!

So, for this month's Greeblemix contest, you get to play a doctor on the internet. Because Bryan's doctors don't know what the hell is wrong with his stomach, go Googling and come back with 1 guess as to what they might be looking for with a colonoscopy.

Remember the rules!

1. First three commenters with an ailment that a colonoscopy is used to diagnose will win a CD.

2. Please, only guess one ailment in your comment, to leave room for other commenters.

3. One guess per person!

Have at it!

Kiss Me, Creep!

Last week, Rude Cactus bared his soul and acknowledged the existence of William Shatner *AND* Mr. Spock CD's in his house. And in exchange for such embarrassment, asked what shards of shame we had laying around ourselves. (Although, personally, I am thinking he should be more sheepish over today's princess photo than anything from Bill Shatner. I'M JUST SAYING.)

Well, my comment to Chris was that, since I tell everyone everything, I really have nothing embarrassing, a statement that is certainly going to come back and bite me in the ass, but the biggest truth of all is that *OF COURSE* I have a shitload of crappy music in my iTunes, because why is life worth living if not to torture Bryan with random appearances of "Caribbean Queen" out of my iPod at dinnertime???

Then I admitted the truth. That my mom, who keeps every piece of everything since the beginning of time, still had all my teen romance novels from when I was kid. OH YES, SHE DID!!

And the last time I was there for a visit, I scooped them all up and absconded with them. I highly doubt my mom really needed THESE to be sitting around her house any longer:

And CLEARLY I needed to have them in MY house.

And reread EVERY SINGLE ONE as a 37 year old adult.

OH YES, I DID.

American Idol - The Top Five

Well, here's the short and sweet: Across the board - First song: Barfedy Barf. Second Song: Awesedy Awesome.

But more importantly - WHAT WAS UP WITH PAULA FLUBBING HER LINES? Does that prove the show is pre-written? Or that she is just a complete dipshit?

Oh wait, the MOST important thing we learned tonight: Neil Diamond has been toking from the bovine extract teet.

JASON CASTRO
Has anyone noticed how they are slowly combing out his dreads and making them, well, prettier? If there *is* such a thing in relation to dreads? Either way, he is about 5 weeks past due for leaving. Although, I do admit enjoying his second song at least a teensy bit.

DAVID ARCHULETA
I have given up on this kid becoming cool. He is going to put out an album a la Josh Grobin and 50-something empty-nester moms who wear holiday sweaters with snowmen all over them are gonna buy them in the trillions. Don't blame me, I TRIED.

BROOKE WHITE
OK, folks. I ain't gonna lie. I threw up a little in the back of my throat as she sang I'm A Believer. Seriously, it was an affront to both The Monkees *AND* the donkey from Shrek. But the second song? It was THE SHIT. In a good way.

DAVID COOK
Clearly American Idol wants him to win and clearly he is awesome. Clearly he wouldn't be here without Daughtry and clearly is not as good a singer as Daughtry, but I still dig him. And clearly I love using the world clearly.

SYESHA MERCADO
Argh!!! I have never been so conflicted about an American Idol contestant before! I seriously c-a-n-n-o-t stand her but she sings really really well. Dammit all to hell!

BOTTOM TWO? Jason and Brooke.

Jason going home - please please please.

You?

Oh and P.S. Gotta pimp the Coloradoan. Ace Young has a new video out.

Coercion is so much more fun than exploitation anyway.

Bryan and I were laughing over the fact that the Bush Library Foundation are a bunch of dumbfucks and let their URL lapse, giving way for some cybersquatters to snap it up for $10 bucks. I agreed with all the posts and Twitters flying around, that we should let him have it back for exactly the amount of billions the Iraq war has cost us.

Meanwhile, Declan was listening to our conversation (OK, so maybe we didn't actually use the word "dumbfucks") and he got very upset.

"President Obama is not stupid!"

I love that my kid thinks Obama is already the president and knows that he is not stupid.

Oh, and then Declan got on the horn to his 3 year old cousin Ridgely, and Ridgely said, "True dat."

P.S. This is my nephew Ridgely. Boy Ridgely. Male, boy, boy, male, with long hair, boy.

He has outside interests too.

Bryan has been working like a dog lately; we're about to launch another ginourmous web site. Another one that is fairly "his baby," although of course we are always a team effort 'round here. But the problem is, with work, and me, and Declan, and PTA, and all those fracking weeds popping up all over the yard, he doesn't as much time to himself as he should.

Of course, what does he do with free time anyway when he gets it? Work on the computer.

Mainly, he's always expanding his skills in the 3D animation area, which we utilize a bit for work, but mainly he does it for his own kicks.

Here is one my favorite things he's ever done. Hello, Pixar? Are you paying attention?

And then there was the group project he did for a class, where they modeled the entire city of Bath, England. Bryan was the project manager as well as lead animator. Again, as with any big project, tons of people worked together on the finished project. But how they got Peter O'Toole to come in and narrate, I will never know.

Happy birthday to... ME!

Yes, today is my birthday. I have been feeling like Bryan, who celebrates for an entire month when his birthday rolls around - seeing as it's been a week full of festivities already. But SCREW THAT, we needed something OFFICIAL to cap it off, right? So the crew took me out for yummy German food last night, the best in the WORLD (besides my mom's, of course), and then we were off on the hunt for Fat Tuesday 190 Octane frozen drinks.

When I was in college, we used to frequent the Fat Tuesday and I would nearly orgasm in joy over the COMPLETE WALL of frozen drink machines. I get a little tear in the corner of my just thinking about it. Pssst. Have I mentioned it is one of my major goals in life to have a commercial grade frozen drink maker out in the garage, running at all times, ready to pour my perfectly frozen and perfectly mixed frozen drinks at a moment's notice? IT WILL HAPPEN.

But until then, I will have to settle for tracking down Fat Tuesday franchises that have a few of those lovely Fat Tuesday machines, and there just happens to be one in downtown Denver.

Ahh. Bliss. So what if an alcoholic drink can make me sublimely happy on my birthday?