The Mirror
I am about to lose my mind. Thank god school started again this morning. Because December was rough. I was beginning to think some alien creature from Planet Asshole came down and inhabited my son's body. At the same time, I'll also try to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was, after all, the month of Christmas, the month of Winter Break, the month of Year End at my company - truly, a time of major upheaval for all of us.
It started with whining. Whining whining whining! What makes him think we will do ANYTHING for him when he is whining? Other than shove my fist down his throat???
Then we moved on to the eye-rolling. And then the sarcasm. And then the ignoring. And then the: "I know better than anyone else on the fucking planet. Planet Asshole, that is. You know, where I come from."
Yeah, you guessed it, he's basically me.
And as I told Declan many times during the hideous month of December, it sucks to be me.
I am bossy. I am opinionated. I like everyone to do it my way. I have worked my ass off for 38 years now to stop (curb) acting like this and here is this little upstart 6 year old, bringing up all this crap again.
Poor Bryan. Between the two of us, he doesn't know whether he is coming or going.
As for me, it's really hard seeing the worst of yourself being thrown back in your face, like a big mirror overgrown with sludge and slime that you want to keep wiping and wiping at - but you also vaguely remember that the person in the mirror is NOT YOU. He is his own person, allowed to make his OWN MISTAKES. But why would I want him to repeat my pain?
We've had many conversations about how his tone might make his friends think he is talking down to them. How sometimes he just has to trust the other person knows better. How he doesn't have to jump in and try to fix EVERYTHING. Oh, and how he NEEDS TO ANSWER US WHEN WE ASK A QUESTION. Even on Planet Asshole, dude.
I know I shouldn't complain, seeing as we've had such an easy time of it up till now - AND this behavior is him just spreading his wings - A GOOD THING... but it's just ALSO a heartbreaking thing, that I assume every parent goes through, to watch your child struggle with the very same things you struggled with. The FUNNY thing is Declan isn't even struggling yet. I am jumping in so far at the beginning of this behavior, I haven't even let him sink yet.
Clearly I have some work yet to do myself.
It started with whining. Whining whining whining! What makes him think we will do ANYTHING for him when he is whining? Other than shove my fist down his throat???
Then we moved on to the eye-rolling. And then the sarcasm. And then the ignoring. And then the: "I know better than anyone else on the fucking planet. Planet Asshole, that is. You know, where I come from."
Yeah, you guessed it, he's basically me.
And as I told Declan many times during the hideous month of December, it sucks to be me.
I am bossy. I am opinionated. I like everyone to do it my way. I have worked my ass off for 38 years now to stop (curb) acting like this and here is this little upstart 6 year old, bringing up all this crap again.
Poor Bryan. Between the two of us, he doesn't know whether he is coming or going.
As for me, it's really hard seeing the worst of yourself being thrown back in your face, like a big mirror overgrown with sludge and slime that you want to keep wiping and wiping at - but you also vaguely remember that the person in the mirror is NOT YOU. He is his own person, allowed to make his OWN MISTAKES. But why would I want him to repeat my pain?
We've had many conversations about how his tone might make his friends think he is talking down to them. How sometimes he just has to trust the other person knows better. How he doesn't have to jump in and try to fix EVERYTHING. Oh, and how he NEEDS TO ANSWER US WHEN WE ASK A QUESTION. Even on Planet Asshole, dude.
I know I shouldn't complain, seeing as we've had such an easy time of it up till now - AND this behavior is him just spreading his wings - A GOOD THING... but it's just ALSO a heartbreaking thing, that I assume every parent goes through, to watch your child struggle with the very same things you struggled with. The FUNNY thing is Declan isn't even struggling yet. I am jumping in so far at the beginning of this behavior, I haven't even let him sink yet.
Clearly I have some work yet to do myself.
30 Comments:
oh this so shall be me soon. my Toddler Tornado is only 3 and I see the glimmering of her struggling with what I STRUGGLED (struggle? who can say ;))with already emerging.
mamahood.
this stuff is NOT for the wimpy huh?
i totally know what you mean.
Just be thankful it's one...I on the other hand had on smart mouth approaching "preteen", one drama queen...everything was the biggest and world ending problem and the little one that loves to make faces and remind me that he doesn't love me when things don't go his way. God I love being a parent:)
Stay strong, yell out your opinions and I suggest getting some armor...the high school years are brutal!
Planet Asshole apparently sent lots of guests in December, for my 7 year old was also inhabited. I can only hope that school and a return to a regular schedule will send Planet Assholian back home.
Oh my god.. I am so right where you are right now. The issue is a little different but I'm feeling the same way about it. My six year old has huge self confidence issues... ok not huge but I can see them, I remember them, I know those feelings. I want so badly for him to not feel the way that I did as a kid. I keep running through my head all of the things that my parents didn't do that I should be doing to help him. Fuck.. I hate this part of parenting.
I know FAR too many people from Planet Asshole. I occasionally date one, too.
Planet Asshole? THAT is why I will always love you.
Oh gosh seeing your imperfections in your children (gasp) so not ready for that. Love the Planet Asshole reference but not those inhabiting it...
My husband is going through this right now with our oldest. They're so alike, it's weird. It also causes a "tad" bit of friction.
Allan says the same thing about Emma. He says it creeps him out to have to parent himself. I think it's wonderful how tuned in you both are!
I really don't think I should ever have kids. I don't know if I could handle a mini me acting out in my worst ways.
oh man the incessant whining! stop stop stop before I take a fork to my ears! Wow.
Hon, you could have written that post about Sullivan. But he has made some progress in a few important areas so never let up!
I think you'll do fine.
Wait until he's a teen. Or a pre-teen. My daughter gets so irritated with me when I try to help her with her math, and she gets so jumpy and irritated with me. It's gross. It's like a big ugly mirror.
I am soooo scared to get to this stage.
Every. single. time I see a little of me in the Toddler, I freak out. Poor kid is in for it. Big time.
kudos for you being aware of your issues.
somethings have to happen so people can learn.
Funny and sad at same time, friend.
hmmmm. that whining alien invaded by kid's body during December, too. I'm just now seeing glimpses of pleasant child again.
we had planet asshole aliens take over around our house too. :)
Oh, how I understand. The alien, the struggle, and most of all, the mirror.
And that part about the poor husband who's stuck in the middle. It's no wonder Kyle and Bryan get along so well.
Great post. All of my sons have had standing reservations and passports that never expire for Planet Asshole.
Even the husband made an unscheduled trip this year.
I'm surrounded by too much testoterone.
What was that? I wasn't listening. Oh, that. Right. I have no idea what you are talking about. *rolls eyes* I could totally fix this for you. When should I come over? ;)
We have the Know It All issue at our house. Everyone knows it all! Take heart that you will survive, just gather strength for the teen years. I have graduated one out, thought it would never happen, and have two more to go! God help me!!!
you just gave me another reason, #346 I think, not to have children. thanks :D
Children have been my best sources of reflection and learning about my own heart.
OHMYOD.
"I know better than anyone else on the fucking planet. Planet Asshole, that is. You know, where I come from."
My daughter is doing this to me and she's FOUR. And also? Horribly EXACTLY like me.
That's why I love you. We can be assholes together. LOL. XO
Whoa. Your six year old is ME! You just made me fear being a parent and at the same time really REALLY want to be a mom.... I hope you're still blogging in a couple of years when I finally make up my mind on that one:)
Aimee, I Love You JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! It's what makes you who you are. I should have insisted more on having him over for a day during the holidays! LOL! This too shall pass! Brenda.
love this post.
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